Oh these ups and downs! I could already tell this morning that I’d feel weird tonight.
Got up at 6:30 am and started the day slowly, all relaxed 🙂 Then, to get an overall impression, I watched videos about fashion design portfolios (those you need to apply for an academy or uni). I felt overwhelmed because what I saw was so different to my expectations… so different to what I saw myself capable of doing! So – trap of comparison.
Anyhow, I couldn’t see the passion in the things I do anymore. It was there once, for sure, but the question is: what is my motivation? Getting all perfectly prepared for my future and sacrificing the present? No way! But that was the case… Why am I speaking in past tenses? Because I asked my soul. It just came over me and I was in a dialogue with my soul.
“What is it that you love? I know you know it and therefore I know it deep down, but what is it? Is it something I have to experience yet?” I asked my soul.
The answer came as a feeling. Truly, I encourage you to do the same. If you really seek an answer, you’ll receive ist.
“You already do the things you love. You just can’t enjoy it anymore because you do it for a future event… not for yourself. If the future wouldn’t matter and there were no plans, how would you have spent your day? What is it that you enjoy?”
And I realised… it is all there. Simply the worries about the future toke up the place of my joy. I mean it is okay to have an idea of the future… but you still live NOW and everything you do, be it meaningful or not, you should do because you enjoy it RIGHT NOW. I actually love spending my day teaching myself drawing, sewing, reading, studying, diving deep. And its so much more fun if you are fully present. Get my drift?
There was a time when i didn’t know what I loved at all. Now I know a few things. This is great. Excuse me, I’m off reading ❤
P.S.: Just realized how divinely things turn out when you don’t plan. Just floating. Peace xx