It does make sense

Oh these ups and downs! I could already tell this morning that I’d feel weird tonight.

Got up at 6:30 am and started the day slowly, all relaxed 🙂 Then, to get an overall impression, I watched videos about fashion design portfolios (those you need to apply for an academy or uni). I felt overwhelmed because what I saw was so different to my expectations… so different to what I saw myself capable of doing! So – trap of comparison.

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Anyhow, I couldn’t see the passion in the things I do anymore. It was there once, for sure, but the question is: what is my motivation? Getting all perfectly prepared for my future and sacrificing the present? No way! But that was the case… Why am I speaking in past tenses? Because I asked my soul. It just came over me and I was in a dialogue with my soul.

“What is it that you love? I know you know it and therefore I know it deep down, but what is it? Is it something I have to experience yet?” I asked my soul.

The answer came as a feeling. Truly, I encourage you to do the same. If you really seek an answer, you’ll receive ist.

“You already do the things you love. You just can’t enjoy it anymore because you do it for a future event… not for yourself. If the future wouldn’t matter and there were no plans, how would you have spent your day? What is it that you enjoy?”

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(c) santigoldblog.com

And I realised… it is all there. Simply the worries about the future toke up the place of my joy. I mean it is okay to have an idea of the future… but you still live NOW and everything you do, be it meaningful or not, you should do because you enjoy it RIGHT NOW. I actually love spending my day teaching myself drawing, sewing, reading, studying, diving deep. And its so much more fun if you are fully present. Get my drift?

There was a time when i didn’t know what I loved at all. Now I know a few things. This is great. Excuse me, I’m off reading ❤

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P.S.: Just realized how divinely things turn out when you don’t plan. Just floating. Peace xx

What I am seeking (Goals)

moonsI’ve been thinking and I’ve been not thinking. What I found out is the actual, actually obvious unimportance of everything materialistic. This sounds quite logical and I guess nearly everybody would agree. But only until we forget… as long as all is well and you just live in your cozy little matrix world, we make it our game to gain. Which is alright… this whole human experience is a game with the bonus to be allowed to create your own rules. What I want to say is that from the moment on you realize how fragile all of this stuff, this whole world is, this worldly stuff looses all importance. Just look how easily one can get dependent and forget about true values like self love, self worth, gratitude, being present, listening to oneself, knowledge of self, doing what you love etc. And yet these things build the fundament of any enjoyable relationship – be it with friends, partners, nature, food, family, life – and therefore are so very important to build up! I myself want to be able to fully love other beings and fully dive into life with its countless magical wonders… I want to be able to enjoy and let go and understand those around me. I want to be all there. Truly and unapologetically me. Being and spreading love and positivity.

Let’s continue becoming a magician again 🙂

What really matters

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Hey friends,

today Anna arrived in Leipzig to visit me, first time around since we moved back from Portugal! Of course we saw each other in between but never in Leipzig 🙂 Well, I guess you can imagine how much talk must be talked after a longer period of local separation (always connected internally), as we used to talk for hours every single day back then. We had vegan pizza with my family and then started to watch Youtube videos, but then we got into deep talking again and remembered the importance of mindfulness and meditation and that, next to all the work we are both doing atm, it is utterly necessary to maintain the spiritual habits! Even if it’s hard to start sometimes… it doesn’t take more than the simple decision to sit down for some minutes and stop your mind from thinking unconsciously. We both know that spiritual growth is the foundation for happiness, success and beyond, the most perfect life in the matrix can never satisfy you as much as focusing on the basis – the deepest of it all – the universe within you!

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New Moon – New Energies

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Tonight is the night of the indian and nepalese festival “Shivaratri” which is celebrated in reverence of the God Shiva. It takes place with the new moon arising this night! Shiva is a male good in hinduism and is known as “the destroyer” and “the transformer”. He destroys the universe at the end of a cycle (every 2,160,000,000 years) in order to make room for new creation. At the moment we are in the Kali Yuga year, which is the fourth part of the present cycle. Interestingly Shivas wife is called Kali and Hindus celebrate their wedding on Shivaratri. Bear with me if that is too superficial, I do not know a lot about Hindu gods and goddesses  (yet) 🙂

Anyway, it is told that the Shiva energy can remove old burdens and negative energies from those who let it happen. This is why I decided to dedicate this day and night to the god Shiva and be part of the most powerful night and the Hindu celebration of Sivaratri. This means I fast the whole day&night, stay awake, meditate and concentrate on the flow of energy. I definitely feel that I have a lot of burdens that I want to get rid of and today was a bit challenging for me emotionally. But what shows up can be removed so yeah I’m grateful 🙂

Certainly, as it doesn’t result out of a religious tradition for me, it’s kinda new and difficult. Also I did water-fasting before but for general cleansing reasons, this time it’s harder and yes, I am hungry by now but it’s still alright (22,5 h no eating). But I know this is a normal pysical reaction, wich isn’t bad or anything, a body can do without food for much longer than a day 🙂 Still, excited for breakfast haha!