It does make sense

Oh these ups and downs! I could already tell this morning that I’d feel weird tonight.

Got up at 6:30 am and started the day slowly, all relaxed 🙂 Then, to get an overall impression, I watched videos about fashion design portfolios (those you need to apply for an academy or uni). I felt overwhelmed because what I saw was so different to my expectations… so different to what I saw myself capable of doing! So – trap of comparison.

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Anyhow, I couldn’t see the passion in the things I do anymore. It was there once, for sure, but the question is: what is my motivation? Getting all perfectly prepared for my future and sacrificing the present? No way! But that was the case… Why am I speaking in past tenses? Because I asked my soul. It just came over me and I was in a dialogue with my soul.

“What is it that you love? I know you know it and therefore I know it deep down, but what is it? Is it something I have to experience yet?” I asked my soul.

The answer came as a feeling. Truly, I encourage you to do the same. If you really seek an answer, you’ll receive ist.

“You already do the things you love. You just can’t enjoy it anymore because you do it for a future event… not for yourself. If the future wouldn’t matter and there were no plans, how would you have spent your day? What is it that you enjoy?”

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(c) santigoldblog.com

And I realised… it is all there. Simply the worries about the future toke up the place of my joy. I mean it is okay to have an idea of the future… but you still live NOW and everything you do, be it meaningful or not, you should do because you enjoy it RIGHT NOW. I actually love spending my day teaching myself drawing, sewing, reading, studying, diving deep. And its so much more fun if you are fully present. Get my drift?

There was a time when i didn’t know what I loved at all. Now I know a few things. This is great. Excuse me, I’m off reading ❤

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P.S.: Just realized how divinely things turn out when you don’t plan. Just floating. Peace xx

Is fear stopping you?

it certainly would, if I wouldn’t stop it from doing so first.I can get really nervous before doing something that I can’t completely control in terms of “what will happen/how will it be/can I do this/…” This happens the most when I am about to try something new. Music classes, group events, or – most frequent – sports. Whilst writing this I kinda realize that it could just be appointments in general which stress me out… mh. Anyways, I’ve always been a sporty kid. Not always by choice, but it played a huge role in my life all along. Strangely, it happens that I am super nervous before a training… even if I know what to expect! But it’s just the mind which tells me “Argh, you must plan, you have to schedule that and then you’re not even sure what will happen – whereas at home (aka comfort zone) everythings so safe and relaxed!”

_1290658Same thing today when Lotte asked me to come along to her frisbee class tonight. Whuat, today?? I was afraid of the circumstances… concerned about if I felt good enough, the weather conditions, my timing… however, I went. And it was great. Exhaustingly great and fricking cold.

_1290654 Not that it was simply freezing, it started to rain and then soft hail, wich really hurt our frozen hands! But we continued, dried a little, got soaked by the rain again and finally ended the training with contentment happiness! I definitely learned (once again)that I can approach new things more relaxed and laid back, because everything will work out fine 🙂

_1290723It’s a while ago that I felt SUCH GRATITUDE for my home and a hot shower, wow! I know guys, it’s uncomfortable to admit, but the comfort zone is so much cozier after leaving it (and then coming back) 🙂 Next we watched Game of Thrones and now I am super done, in a positive way! Looking forward to being productive tomorrow! Night! ❤

It takes courage to do the first action, everything that follows is your reward! The universe takes care of everything and gives you all that is good – if you only take the first step!